Member-only story
5 Tips to Relearn to Trust After a Toxic Relationship
#1 Love is not a zero-sum game
There was a time when it took me no time to fall in love. I carelessly walked the tightrope of need and want and desire — the need to be loved, the want to be with someone, the desire for it to last a lifetime. The promises and sweet talk messed with my balance and I was already freefalling, the ground closing in on me, forgetting about the safety net of reality and the parachute of reason, I wanted to fall — and I trusted my love with my life that he would catch me.
I didn’t know what I was in for, but the fall seemed like flying and my stupid, naive, trusting little heart didn’t yet know fear.
Before it all fell apart, I was back again on the tightrope, this time balancing between a dream and a nightmare — not sure which was which, it was too surreal to make sense of the rapid alternations of highs and lows.
Looking back, it was a nightmare. Of the worst kind. With the worst person to trust.
It took me years to fall out of love. The process was painstakingly slow, and it hurt. Falling out of love was me hitting the ground day after day, caught in a time loop of never-ending disappointment and emotional pain, crushing my soul on lost dreams and broken promises, only to wake up the next day to start…
