5 Tough Life Lessons From an Ex-People-Pleaser

#5 Availability doesn’t mean being appreciated

Zita Fontaine

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Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

I know I have changed. Life has changed me, and while I know it is for the better, sometimes I look into the mirror and I am looking for the woman I used to be a few years ago — and I don’t find her. There are still some traces of her, an afterthought here, a lingering sensation of self-doubt and a timid, apologetic half-smile there — but other than that, I’m not the same person I used to be.

It is the result of a series of conscious and subconscious, almost automatic changes that occurred through healing and growth and lessons I never wanted to learn but I had to. Sometimes I try to imagine how my life would have turned out had I been already this way when I was with my now ex-husband, whether I still would have even talked to the guy who later became abusive to me. I doubt it. This new me would have never settled for the continuous challenging from a husband who later cheated on me. She would have never given a second chance to someone who didn’t even deserve a first chance.

The way I used to be was the only way I knew. The way how I was fighting for the attention of others, how I chased people to love me and show me affection, how I settled for morsels even though I wanted and deserved a lot more. I didn’t know any better than to be…

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Zita Fontaine

Writer. Dreamer. Hopeless romantic. Newsletter: zita.substack.com Email me: zitafontaine (at) gmail