5 Uncomfortable Truths About Boundaries

No matter how healthy it is to have them, it’s not always a walk in the park

Image licensed from Canva

Whenever it comes to discussing healthy relationships, healing from trauma or codependency, moving on from a previous people pleaser version of yourself or cutting ties with people, boundaries will be always mentioned. It is crucial to know and assertively communicate what you will and will not tolerate, how you want to be treated and what are your needs.

It has been said so many times that the concept of boundaries has become a cliché, and just as all other clichés, it is easier said than done. Just like the ultimate weight loss tip, eat less and move more, keeping boundaries is a simple idea but it can be extremely difficult to actually practice it.

More so, you can read and hear a lot about how having healthy boundaries will improve your life, your relationships and in the long run your overall well-being — but it is rarely mentioned what downsides you will encounter once you start to build and keep them.

I started to be mindful of my boundaries quite recently, as I had noticed similar patterns in my relationships, in my attachments, even in my friendships and work connections.

I have realized how I was always the one who was available, who was making the effort, doing the extra mile, reaching out to friends and family — and while I managed to keep my relationships going, the minute I stopped making an effort, they started to crumble and fade away.

A little over two years ago, as a new year resolution, I decided to wait until others are making an effort for me to be in contact. I stopped reaching out to friends and checking on colleagues — which I quite regularly did — because I was emotionally exhausted from being left on “read” for days or even weeks, I have had enough of chasing people to grab a coffee and listen to their problems.

It started as an experiment, and it brought disastrous results. With very few exceptions, the friendships I had, the amazing work relationships I was so proud of, kind of faded away. And it hurt me to my core. Little by little, I went from being a very social person into some kind of a recluse, with literally no one around.