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6 Tell-Tale Signs That You’re a People-Pleaser

And how to stop being one — for good

Zita Fontaine
8 min readJun 29, 2020
Image licensed from Canva

We all know that one friend — or maybe we are that one friend — who is the nicest and most helpful of all the people. They are always there for you, they care, they listen, they nod and smile — no matter how hard it must be for them to provide constant support. They work extremely hard, they get things done and they are always the first to lend a hand — sometimes even without asking. They will be the ones reaching out to you when you need them, they will never forget about your birthday and they are the ones who are deeply moved by your success and empathise with you through your darkest times.

So far, it seems you have landed the perfect friend. A reliable, trustworthy, caring person with a heart the size of Texas. What’s wrong with that?

To be honest, everything.

The problem with people-pleasing is that if you look at them only superficially, they are really great people and in most cases, their friends and colleagues will benefit from their amazing behaviour. But for them, being a people-pleaser is a curse. It’s a maladaptive coping mechanism, rooted in the intense need to please others to avoid rejection and failure and to ensure the maintenance of their self.

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Zita Fontaine
Zita Fontaine

Written by Zita Fontaine

Writer. Dreamer. Hopeless romantic. Newsletter: zita.substack.com Email me: zitafontaine (at) gmail

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