Move past the confinement of your mind

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

It’s not easy to be an introvert in an extroverted world, just as much as it can be challenging to be an extrovert in an introverted one.

Fitting into values that contradict your personality can be difficult and it’s not always easy to find the balance. Before the pandemic, tons of books and articles were written about how to be an introvert in an accelerated and extroverted world; in a world that appreciates extroverted values more — sometimes to the extreme. …


#3 Weight loss and weight management is for life

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t aware of my weight. Not only when I was struggling with it, not only when I felt chubby or fat, but even in times when I was at my thinnest. Managing my weight has always been somehow in the focus, or when it wasn’t and I decided not to care about it, I paid the price of it later, when I finally took the courage to step on the scale, terrified of the weight gain.

I have been a chubby teenager and a chubby adult, and even when I slimmed down to thinner than normal, I still felt fat. My body image has never been great, and my life circumstances with an abusive ex-partner didn’t exactly help it either. I have been struggling with accepting myself for who I am, embracing my curves and loving my body. My weight fluctuated a lot throughout my life — mainly because of strict dieting periods alternating with lazy periods — and I have always thought about it as my cross to bear, not a part of life I had to manage. …


Prove your inner critique wrong, even if it’s the worst battle to fight

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

I have gone through some rough patches with writing in my life. First off, it took me decades to embrace writing and give it the place it deserves in my life. I have always been writing, and it’s a painful thought that I wasted so much time convincing myself that it is not for me, that I am useless and no one cares anyway.

When I finally took enough courage to pursue it and challenge myself in ways I never allowed myself before, I still had to face my own insecurities, still battled my imposter syndrome and still questioned my own worth time after time. But I managed. Finally, I was writing. Finally, I allowed myself to tell my story. …


The burden of the moments leading up to violence

Image for post
Image for post
Image licensed from Canva

The best and most terrifying instances of life are when you stop being yourself while still conscious. Those sweet moments of ecstasy when your body and mind lose contact, and for a fleeting second that feels like a lifetime, your conscious and subconscious self becomes one.

Disconnecting from reality, checking out from consciousness with a lingering feeling of being halfway here and halfway nowhere: the wide-eyed clarity of the nanosecond before the orgasm of your life. The minute that blurs into eternity, right before your blackout on that Friday night after the 15th shot. …


A cautionary tale about the butterflies in the stomach

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Beckett Ruiz on Unsplash

I remember the day we met so clearly that it’s more like a post-trauma flashback rather than a memory to cherish. I remember how nervous I was, as our date was my first in over 12 years.

As I walked towards him, his eyes lit up and the butterflies in my stomach started a crazy dance to an inaudible soundtrack. …


Being stuck is worse than even the most radical of changes

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Eean Chen on Unsplash

I believe that deep down we are all afraid of something. I’m not talking just about our phobias or daily fears, I am talking about an underlying feeling that is so profound and so woven into the fabric of our existence that we think about it as natural.

We even say so. Of course, I am afraid of ageing. Obviously, I am afraid of being alone or being abandoned. Well duh, of course, I am scared about my financial stability and health.


You don’t need to obsess about it, but you can use it

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Meadow Marie on Unsplash

They say that you should always look forward because that’s where you are heading. They say that your past is the past and you need to create your future instead of reliving history. They say that analysing your traumas, hurts and pains won’t do you any good.

They say that you need to cherish your present and you need to work on the future you desire.

Yes. And no. It’s not black or white.

We are not robots, we are not machines, we are not algorithms. Our life is not a precisely planned blueprint with events and emotions set in stone. Our life is not divided into timeframes and periods; we are living, breathing, remembering human beings, blessed by the memories we are capable to have. We are our past, our present and all the myriads of potential futures ahead of us, woven into a colourful tapestry of experiences, emotions — love, anger, joy, pain, loss and opportunities. …


How to live in a world full of restrictions

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

I am the kind of person who never cheated at an exam, never skips the line, always validates a ticket on public transportation — even when there would be no consequences. Going even further, I respect the rules and other people to an unhealthy extent, sometimes robbing myself of really experiencing what I would like to do.

It’s not about being a yes-man. Or a people pleaser. I do believe that co-existing with others requires rules and they make our lives easier in the long run.

In my country, Hungary, we have had quite strict social distancing regulations since the pandemic started. I followed every rule. I stayed at home. I tutored my kids. I stopped dating. I stopped going out. I stopped hugging my mum. …


Not even death can do us part

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash

I wanted to save you. I know it had never been my job, and I never even wanted it, but I can’t help myself thinking that still, I failed you. I couldn’t save you and I blame myself that you are gone.

It was love — of the purest, most noble type of it, the one that moves mountains and stretches through time and space, without conditions, expectations or hope. …


Let’s be honest, even successful weight loss can be a struggle

Image for post
Image for post
Image licensed from Canva

I have been struggling with my weight for so long that I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t an issue. It started back in primary school when I was still blissfully ignorant about beauty and attractiveness being linked to looks.

It started with silly comments — as hurtful as kids can be to each other. It started with cutting out several food groups from my diet, convincing myself that I don’t even like them. I said goodbye to meat, and white bread first. Then every fruit other than apples. …

About

Zita Fontaine

Check out my book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/B088GJFM1B. Newsletter: zita.substack.com Email me: zitafontaine (at) gmail

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store