Member-only story
Can You and Should You Trust Your Instincts?
Are your instincts still valid after an abusive relationship?
“Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they are not after you.”
After years of healing from years spent in an abusive relationship, I started dating. First, it was just very casual encounters. I had a very good eye choosing the guys who will not call after — and I didn’t mind it. And I kindly got rid of those who actually called and wanted to see me again.
It took me a whole year of casual dating to finally agree to see someone on a more or less regular basis. But I still insisted I didn’t want more than casual. For the past 4 months, I have been seeing someone — strictly casual, focusing on sex. We agreed even before we first met, and we managed to keep it this way, no commitment, no expectations, no exclusivity. I don’t think of him as my boyfriend and I don’t think he considers me to be his girlfriend. It’s not a relationship, we are not in love, I don’t intend to introduce him to my kids or my family. But we meet kind of regularly, he cares about me and I care about him.
The sex is great — and that’s what keeps us together. And the agreement that we have, that it is casual.
