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How to Stop Feeling Shame and Liberate Yourself from Its Burden
For a happier and lighter life
When we look at our lives, we see it in close-up. We carry the burden of our past, we engage in negative self-talk, we see ourselves from a certain fixed perspective. We let our perceptions and emotions rule our days and define our judgments. One of the most important aspects of reaching for external help — be it the help of a friend, a coach or a therapist — is that we voluntarily give up our single-aspect views of our lives and let an external observer help us see what we can’t.
When I was working with coaching clients, their main praise usually was that I was able to point out patterns and recurring frustrations easily from what they chose to disclose with me. It was easy. I was just listening, taking notes and noticed the repeating patterns in their speech. They were making it easy for me — the human mind circles around what is bugging it, trying to find a way to crack it — without even noticing the effort.
When it comes to my own life, I am doing the same. I am circling back to topics and frustrations; I am repeating my observations about emotions and impressions — without noticing how much they bother me.
At my last therapy session, my therapist made an observation and phrased it as a question: Have you…
