I Want a Relationship Because I Need a Friend

On friendships and relationships with high-functioning depression

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There are only a few lonelier life situations than being a single mum of three and working from home. Maybe if you don’t have too many friends to count on. Maybe if you also suffer from high-functioning depression.

Being a working mum of three kids of different age groups — it’s already a 24/7 occupation. You can call yourself lucky if you have time for self-care. You can call yourself lucky if you have time for socialising.

I am an extrovert by default and I have absolutely zero problems with making friends with anyone. I am willing and I can initiate a conversation, I am funny, I am caring — and due to my other occupations such as my kids, jobs, writing, I am not even pushy and clingy as I don’t have time for overdoing it.

I think I make a good friend, at least according to my own expectations.

But friendship changed and it’s either I am delusional expecting that kind of connection with friends as I knew it 5–10 years ago, or I am terrible at choosing my friends. Either way, it’s lonely.

I am struggling with cyclothymia, which is a mild form of bipolar disorder. And while the highs are usually only a little more pumped and active…