Objectification and Self-objectification on Dating Apps

The unsolicited advice of staying within your league

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I deleted all my online dating apps — for the third time this year. I’m like an addict, not willing to quit yet, but admitting already that there is a problem, recognising the direct negative consequences of her addiction.

I’m addicted to hope.

Hope is the reason that I am still lured back to the dating app world, even if up to this point all I have is a couple of stories — some good, some bad, some funny, some terrible.

For the longest time, I was living blissfully, free from the horrors of the dating world. I felt it was somehow below me. And I was scared to put myself out with a couple of pictures and some phrases that allow others to judge me for and decide whether I’m good enough for them or not.

I want love to happen without orchestrating it, naturally, you know… just bumping into each other on the street, or in a coffee shop, or anywhere… looking into each other’s eyes and boom, thank goodness I found you, ending up in love. Well wake up, you’re not Alice, and you are not in Wonderland.

I lost my dating-app-virginity and signed up first for Tinder, and the rollercoaster started. The thrill of swiping, matching, being complimented wears out quickly only to give room to the unsolicited sexual offers and disappointingly dull conversation starters or the soft rejection of someone unmatching me. It is spiked every now and then with the hope of finding someone interesting enough to exchange numbers and continue the conversation elsewhere. That leads to meeting for coffees and maybe for more (sometimes disappointing, sometimes not that much), or in other cases, it abruptly develops into receiving dick pics or being asked for nudes.

While the dick pic phenomenon was shocking, the other thing I didn’t see coming was getting unsolicited dating advice from random guys. Some trying to be genuinely helpful, others just plain stupid or rude. While some made me laugh, some annoyed me, there was one that made me furious.

Stay within your league, or else you will be forever single. Men are ranking women from one to…