Relationships Only Work if The Man is the More Interested of the Two

Allow me to spread a potentially unpopular opinion

Photo by sergey mikheev on Unsplash

If you want to get successful at business, look at those who already nailed it, watch, and learn their strategies and habits and attitude. If you want to get good at running, take advice from runners who have already gone through it all. There are great lessons in someone else’s success, and even if not all of them can be applied to your life, the main points will be something to learn from.

Similarly, when it comes to relationships, we can learn a lot from those around us who made it. Those friends who are still together after everyone else already divorced, those that managed to keep the fire, those who still talk kindly to each other even after an argument.

There are only a few basic notions that need to click in a relationship, the rest is commitment and hard work from both parties.

But there is one more thing I noticed, observing the well-functioning couples around me — in my family, among my friends. Although the sample I am looking at is far from complete, what I observed is that in each (cishet) relationship that is successful and has the potential to last forever, it’s always the man who is more interested. It’s not that the women aren’t, they are too, but there is a slight imbalance between the two. And this imbalance has been there from the first second. In the relationships I see thriving, it was always the guy wanting it more, it was him pursuing, him wanting to commit, him wanting to get married and have kids and settle down forever. These are the guys who talk about their wives as “my beautiful wife”, “love of my life” instead of calling them wifey and my partner. These are the guys who are proud of what she accomplishes. These are the guys who stand up to their mothers and prioritize family over their friends. The guys who love more.

Traditional relationship roles

Even my feminist friends, those who deeply believe in equality and demand it from their partner and from everyone around — them in their relationship are going for the traditionally more feminine role. The one to be taken care of — now not financially but emotionally. The one that receives — and not only…