The Calculated Lies of a Narcissist

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, lies and manipulation in a relationship

Zita Fontaine
10 min readJun 29, 2019


I have always been very bad at lying. Even from an early age lying seemed to me as extremely bad behaviour. I was honest to a fault, not even managing to tell white lies or omitting the truth. When my mum asked me after school how it was, I felt the obligation to tell her everything. She wanted to know about the quality of school lunch and I jumped into confession mode about all my questionable behaviours, such as not paying attention at class, or being ridiculed or being late from class. Everything. She would have never known. And she never cared. But I couldn’t not tell her. She asked I had to answer.

I am an Empath, and although I grew up, and I don’t find it that troubling to tell white lies or to omit unnecessary elements of the truth at this point, I still find that telling the truth is what matches my personality more than lying about it.

I have the capacity to tell lies, but I value honesty and decency a lot more. The sense of guilt that I can feel is far worse than the truth, so I am investing in telling the truth — to have peace of mind, to be able to sleep, and not to guilt trip myself about betraying others.

Being an Empath also means that I can understand why others would lie. To protect their ego, to paint a prettier picture, to cover up something awful. It makes sense, even if I wouldn’t do it myself.

I have lived with someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, who also had some antisocial and psychopathic traits. And the number of lies that I have come across always shocked me, amazed me, made me stare blankly in disbelief. Some of his lies were so blatantly obvious, that I was the one feeling bad about it. Some lies were subtle, almost true, except for some little tingling feeling that was suggesting something was off.

I never understood the need for lying this much, this frequently, this atrociously — within a relationship or else. But someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder doesn’t have the same kind of decency or basic morals when it comes to telling the truth.



Zita Fontaine

Writer. Dreamer. Hopeless romantic. Newsletter: Email me: zitafontaine (at) gmail

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