The Way to Self-Love is to Be Loved

Expressing your need for love is not neediness

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Of all the self-help and helpful comments from everyone around, there is one cliché that stands out. We have all heard it when it comes to talking about relationships and love, whether single or coupled:

You need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. You need to be whole to become a worthy partner, to create healthy attachment forms, to avoid becoming dependent or needy.

In many cases this is true, but there is another truth that complements it, and in a way contradicts it.

We are not meant to be alone and self-sufficient. Us, human beings are wired to be in company, genetically coded to be accepted and appreciated by others. Back in the days, our survival depended on it. Only those who were part of the herd — then later the community and society, — survived. Isolation is an evolutionary dead-end, isolation has been used as torture for prisoners, social isolation these days is a root cause for mental health issues and destructive maladaptive behaviours.

Being with others, appreciated and validated by others is our only way to a happy and fulfilled life. If we want…