Member-only story
Toxic Monogamy Perpetuates Rape Culture
We need to deal with it first on a micro-level
The more I think where my previous relationship went south, the more I am convinced that it was about the misunderstood notion of what commitment means within a relationship. In my infatuated haze, I confused belonging with ownership. I committed to him because I wanted to belong — and it was misunderstood by both of us. He thought that my need for belonging also means that in some ways he owns me and that my love and willingness to give up my single life to be with him, made me somehow his emotional property.
A healthy relationship cannot be about ownership. It is about mutual respect, cooperation and existing together in the same space and time to support and help each other. When you respect someone, it means that you acknowledge their individual ability to lead their lives the best way they can. It can also mean that you help them grow into a better person, always respecting their boundaries and their progress.
When you own someone (as much as the whole idea in principle is outdated and rejected by most) it means you have power over them. You have power over their lives, their decisions, their moral stance. You reserve the rights to change them, whether they want to change on their own or not. It also means that you are disrespecting their…
