What’s Wrong With All The Self-Help?

We are obsessed about it, but does it really help?

Zita Fontaine

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Photo by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

I was trying to explain my writing to my grandma. She asked me what I was writing about and I told her that I choose my topics according to what’s in demand. And I told her how much self-help is in demand. I explained her the term self-help, trying to make it sound as generic as possible, so that if she is interested she can still ask me or let it go if it’s not her thing to discuss.

She was shocked and fascinated by the mere notion of self-help. That people need it. That people read it. That people can make a living writing about it.

The notion self-help sounded strange as I tried to explain to her that it is about self-improvement and learning about yourself and growth, and productivity.

She didn’t understand the hype around it. She said that in her time — she is 90 now — it was life teaching the lessons. They didn’t need to artificially improve themselves, the only thing they had to do is to be a decent, hardworking, caring person; and the rest came with it.

She said that the lessons of life were taught day after day. You could read about it as much as you want to, but you needed to experience it so that it should really make a difference.

Eventually, when she got over her shock, she said she couldn’t believe that life has changed this much that we need a detailed explanation on how to be decent, hardworking and caring.

I have been thinking of what was wrong with self-help, and how it could be such a saturated market with self-help gurus, motivational speakers, self-professed growth experts all around.

And when my grandma told me her thoughts about it, it just clicked.

Life didn’t change that much. We did. With all our opportunities we got lazier.

With all the self-help books and articles available we are trying to accelerate a natural process of growth.

If you never had to grieve a loved one and never faced real loss, and you read a lot of books of grief, healing and processing difficult emotions, you are learning about the theory of it. You can be…

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Zita Fontaine

Writer. Dreamer. Hopeless romantic. Newsletter: zita.substack.com Email me: zitafontaine (at) gmail