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Why Do We Long For What We Can’t Have?
Wanting unavailable people is more human than you’d think
My therapist asked me why I am running after guys who run from me. Why don’t I appreciate those who appreciate me? What’s the reason for wanting someone that I can’t or shouldn’t have?
I tried to come up with explanations, claiming that those who want me are boring and those I really want are more exciting. I didn’t fully grasp that it’s not about me choosing the wrong person all the time, it’s about me assigning value to people based on their unavailability. It sounds like a character flaw that I need to grow out of, but it’s not really that. And I am not alone with it.
Emotionally unavailable men? Falling in love with someone who is married? High-maintenance, out-of-your-league women? Unrequited love? Crushing on a hot colleague while happy in a relationship? Who wants the drama and the impossibility of these?
Believe it or not, longing for something we can’t have or shouldn’t have is more common than you would think.
Against all my better judgment, I keep finding myself in situations when I don’t value the appreciation I get and instead, I am craving the attention of those that are reluctant to give it. Is it immature of me? Is it me asking for rejection to confirm my negative…
