Why You Shouldn’t Care About Your Attachment Style
And focus on working on your needs instead
In the past few months, being on and off on dating apps, having, and then not having any success, facing the reality again that my love life is just not what I imagined it would be, I obviously got to the point when the same question popped up in my mind over and over again. What is wrong with me? Why is it so hard for me to find someone and start to build a relationship with him? What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? Why am I so needy?
In the quest of searching for the answer and desperately looking for the affirmation, that there is nothing wrong with me, I came across the attachment theory as one potential solution to my apparent shortcomings when it comes to dating and relationships. I quickly identified myself as an anxiously attached type, the one who is clingy, the one who gets insecure without external validation, the one who is afraid of losing other people. You know the type; the anxious, overthinking people-pleaser who would sacrifice herself for anyone or whatever it takes just to feel loved and needed and desired.
The truth is when I read about it first, and it resonated with me, I felt a huge relief — as if someone had handed me over this absolution, saying it’s all fine, it’s all reasonable, it’s all explained. But…
