You Don’t Have to Do It, You Get to Do It
In the past eighteen months, I made radical changes in my life — the biggest and most visible one was to lose 70+ lbs, and as a result, becoming a different person. Losing weight and getting fitter is a controversial topic because it is considered to be by some as an expression of fatphobia, a clear sign of lack of self-esteem — instead of a true, life-changing accomplishment.
It’s true, losing weight can lead to unhealthy body image issues, and it’s also true that some people find it easier to blame others for their inability or unwillingness.
Admitting that I am a different person might also raise some controversial arguments — and I am getting ready to deal with that. But when I say I am a different person, I don’t really mean that I am skinnier — obviously, that’s a given — but more importantly, I am thinking very differently about my obligations, daily tasks and life in general.
I have to admit that I used to have a lot of body image issues, self-esteem problems, even an eating disorder — related to my fluctuating weight. I used to be a lazy, chubby kid and a struggling adult who couldn’t imagine that being fit would ever be for her. I tried every diet and fitness plan, every method, every promise from fitness gurus, health influencers — with moderate success, for a limited time, and then gained all the weight back when I went back to my normal ways of eating and behaving.
The common denominator with the methods I tried was that I was looking for quick solutions without solidifying better habits and that I was punishing myself with both diets and exercise.
I hated running, but I went on 10k runs every morning for 6 months — because I told myself that I have to suffer for the weight loss and if I ate a little more than I should have, I increased the length or intensity of the run to punish myself for being undisciplined. No wonder I hated it. I didn’t find any joy in it. Running was associated with the punishment that my body deserved. The same went for any other physical exercise, from hot yoga to hours of soul-killing strength training. They weren’t supposed to make me feel good or accomplished, they were to show how disciplined I was and how…